why me?
by daisychain1
Summary: a little peek into koshino's head -- koshino's pov-- senkosh (again)


warning: still unedited, product of lack of sleep.

note 1: koshino pov. hiro-kun and his rambling thoughts about unexplainable things, love and a certain spiky haired boy. As usual another "spur of the moment" ficlet.

note 2: i'm way past curable. *waves senkosh flaglet*

note 3: i'm a fluff writer. i guess if you can't see happiness in your life, you have to create it somehow.

disclaimer: only the plot is mine. slam dunk -- not mine. sure wish it was mine.

[--- why me ---]

me and sendoh. sendoh and me.

sometimes i wonder, why me?

hey, that rhymes. 

seriously, it has always been something nothing short of a miracle for me. i mean, we have been friends since junior high, but we never really thought about it. well, i was sure he wasn't thinking about it and we were so buddy-buddy, there was no way we could ever think about it. it wasn't like friendship is supposed to be like, i thought, and looking back, maybe it wasn't. 

bah, I don't know. 

but, like my grandmother used to say before she tucked me to bed  when i was a _lot_ younger, some things can never be truly explained by people. (she was kind of senile and a little indulgent on the sauce but she was one heck of a fine lady. i got my temperament from her, i guess.)

like why the sun, moon and stars are there, like why we are here on earth and not on venus. blah blah.

like why sendoh chose me out of all the beautiful women and equally beautiful men who flocked him since we entered puberty. 

like why he chose me out of all that is beyond what i am and can give. 

i mean, i'm not really the self-pity type, but from the catalogue of flirtings and outright proposals he got, I'm no better than most of them. In much more realistic and depressing terms, i'm in no way even near them even in the most optimistic light. so it's probably valid really for me to ask: 

why me?

why, why and why? a three letter word and i got some of my hair falling through excessive pulling and black bags under my eyes for thinking about it so much.

i'm going to get sendoh for this later. all those precious hair.

reason would point out that i go to the main source of all this confusion, to ask sendoh why he chose me. logical. it would be presumptuous to ask for a reason for such a great, if not puzzling,  gift, since it was given so freely, but, to stop all this rambling, a safe, efficient solution. i have to make myself shut up.

and, being the reasonable person that i am, i did do this. a cool july 6 morning, i got up, took a bath, ate my toast, brushed my teeth, kissed my mom good bye, and went to his house. i greeted his mother, went to his room and found him pulling on his hair, sans the gel, with dark bags under his soft midnight blue eyes.

i said "you look like shit." and _frowned_.

he said "so do you." and _smiled._

so we talked and talked about basketball, until his mother called us for breakfast. (I was _that _early.) we both went down and ate our fill, then after a quick shower, sendoh and i went back up to his room, to "play _super mario_", as he put it to his mom. 

Then, he kicked the door close and proceeded to hug my waist and kissed me. one sloppy wet kiss really, but i tingled like, like I was flushed with so much heat i would burst any moment.

then he said " I love you, hiro kun."

"that's what I came here to discuss with you about."

he looked confused but probably less confused than i am. "what?" a wave of sadness suddenly threatened to spill from his eyes. "you don't love me anymore?"

"no. quite the opposite in fact." he smiled. i cleared my throat. "i just want to know why."

"why?" realization. "why you?"

i was choking. I didn't know why really. "yes."

then the smile started to fade. i winced. i waited for the end, cursing myself for asking for the end…

"because," his mouth was a tight grim line. I was shaking in terror inside. "you are you."

tension released like a dam, i felt elated yet still infuriated by his quip of an answer. "what a stupid answer! baka sendoh!"

a warm smile in deep blue eyes. "only for you, yes."

i just said, "you really are an idiot." then by some weird urge, i threw myself at him, almost as if in relief. really in relief of what i'm not really conscious of, but from the bruises we got after, i think it was pretty intense. 

fear of rejection? dammit, I'm a lovesick fool. but, contrary to what people think, i'm proud of it. sendoh akira is mine. 

nyeh nyeh nye nye nyeh.

anyway, from my experience, I really haven't obtained a conclusive answer yet to the problem.

It's probably really a miracle.

he chose me, his best friend over the beautiful people, the guy with the bad temper, the guy who shouts "sendoh, you're dead!" when he's late for practice. good luck or what, I don't know. I guess I'm worse then my grandmother, after all.

and the fact is i still don't get the reason why i'm asking it. and he's still not answering me. which is probably both fine with us.

but then, to hell with reasons. i have a date tonight.

~owari~

hope it didn't suck much.


End file.
